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    Red Velvet

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    Red Velvet

    Post by Kane on Sun Nov 02, 2014 3:02 pm

    This is the first page of my short story for creative writing. Can you guys tell me what you think?

    Red Velvet
     
     
                Tick. Tock. The massive hands of Big Ben could be heard inside the icy gear room behind the glass face of the clock. All around gears clicked and clanked in a chaotic symphony that made the hands of the clock move ever forward. In the center of the gears stood a man. The man looked to be nothing special or extraordinary. He was an average height of 5’8” with a mousey mop of dull brown hair. His clothes were the average, cheap tweed of the time. Underneath his plain façade, his brain worked like the gears of the clock. He was always processing and digesting everything. This trait was what had earned him a place as junior inspector of Scotland Yard just a year earlier in 1909.
     
                A body lay mangled and lacerated at his feet. It appeared the body had been thrown into the gears of the clock. This was the third person to die by this horrific way in the last week and a half.
     
    “The file, Oliver,” The man says in a voice that was commanding yet gentle.
     
    A small boy steps forward from the shadow of the gears. The boy couldn’t have been more than nineteen. He had neatly trimmed hair the color of wheat, and he wore a clean-cut dove grey suit. Oliver was serving an internship for one of his classes at the university.
     
                “Here you are Sir Gordon,” Oliver says as his teeth chatter slightly in the cold of the room.
     
    He was tolerably enough to the older man who now held a neat sheet of notes in his hand. The man had been identified as Arthur Cevasco. The file indicated he was an Italian immigrant who was employed by Lord and Lady Mae as a kitchen porter. He didn’t leave behind a wife or any children. It was always the same. The victims never had any family connections, and they all seemed to work for Lady and Lord Mae. Gordon suddenly looked up from his file and sniffed the air.
     
    “Do you smell that Oliver?” Gordon asks in an inquisitive tone as his nose combes that air.
     
    “Do you mean the smell of blood, Sir?”
     
    “No. It’s something more delicate. Smell again.”
     
    “I smell…”The boy pauses in concentration before he speaks up again “lilac and cherry blossoms? Why would I smell that sir? It’s the dead middle of winter and there aren’t any gardens around the tower anyway.”
     
       
    “Aye very good Oliver. It’s a popular new smell favored by the upper class of the city. I can only think of one place that sells it. Selfridges on Oxford street advertised it just last week.”


    Last edited by ~The True Dust~ on Sun Nov 02, 2014 3:16 pm; edited 1 time in total

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    Re: Red Velvet

    Post by WritingBookworm on Sun Nov 02, 2014 3:14 pm

    You have an interesting premise going on, and I LOVE the very beginning! I anticipate the next chapter.

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    Re: Red Velvet

    Post by Paradox on Sun Nov 02, 2014 3:30 pm

    Sounds interesting!

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    Re: Red Velvet

    Post by Wishie on Sun Nov 02, 2014 4:25 pm

    That's very intriguing. Being thrown into the clock sounds painful, to say the least.

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    Re: Red Velvet

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