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A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead EmptyYesterday at 1:50 pm by The_Broker

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A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead EmptyWed Apr 17, 2019 5:54 pm by Michael DeathFlame

» Runite's Immortal
A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead EmptyWed Apr 17, 2019 4:47 pm by Adrian

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» Harwell’s Institute for the Fairly Exceptional II
A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead EmptyWed Apr 03, 2019 12:39 am by Adrian

» Anaphora: The Surviving
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» Irongale ♕ [RP THREAD]
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» Anaphora: Descension (Into Feels)
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» [RP THREAD] L I M I N A L
A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead EmptyMon Mar 11, 2019 8:43 am by Adrian

April 2019
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Calendar Calendar

End of Year News (December 2017)

Thu Dec 28, 2017 3:57 am by Adrian

(It's been one year since I made a news thread, oops)

Merry Christmas/Festivus/whatever holiday you do or do not celebrate!

2017 was a pretty busy year IRL for most of us - according to forum statistics, our busiest month was in June with 1671 total posts, meaning our post rate has been a little …

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Forum Bug

Wed Dec 28, 2016 3:18 am by Adrian

Hi all,

We're aware of a peculiar forum glitch that's causing some subforums to be locked.

Due to the lateness at this time, it might be a while before the glitch can be remedied, because despite my best efforts and as far as I can tell, everything seems to be working fine admin-side. It may have …

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Comments: 1

Discord News/Update Test

Thu Dec 08, 2016 1:35 am by Adrian

Just a news, update test. Trying to get this thing to work.

Comments: 0


A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead

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A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead Empty A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead

Post by Kalaeo on Mon May 16, 2016 8:28 pm

A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead

A modern ghost in the yard
of the dead
Walking over hallowed ground
And buttercups
And rocks
And dirt

A postmortem millennial in the park
of the passed
Surrounded by stone spires of
1919
2003
1847
1692

An already-gone ghoul in the cemeteries of the silent sky
Dark birds swoop and dive
Circling
Landing
Fearless of hauntings
Or ghosts
Or vengeful spirits

A contemporary cryptid wandering the crypts
Under the ever-blue sky
Clouds refuse to cross the sun
Grass reaches up to rebel
Against the
“You must be this dead to rise”
Horror movie rule

A modern ghost in the yard of the dead
In a grave covered with buttercups
And zombie flicks

~~~

Wow this is my 2nd post on the site and it's already with the doom and gloom, criticisms welcomed!
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A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead Empty Re: A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead

Post by Sal on Mon May 16, 2016 9:07 pm

Trust me, doom and gloom is something very common on this site. In a good way, sort of. Not for the characters but whatever. xD

I'm not very good at poems, but I like the words you used such as "contemporary cryptid" and postmortem millennial". I think they were really strong, descriptive words that worked well. I also liked the tone you set and continued to keep, it was eerie and kind of sad but made me feel kind of like it was reminiscing a bit. Maybe the line with the contemp. . . could have used a different ending word because it seemed a little repetitive, but that's about all I have!

Hopefully this all made sense. . . Haha ^^"

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A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead Empty Re: A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead

Post by Omni on Tue May 17, 2016 1:25 pm

Nice work. I like what you did with the dates. Unless I'm off the mark... 1919 was for the end of WWI, 2003 was for the start of the Iraq war, and 1692 was for the Salem Witch Trials, right? The only one I'm having trouble with is 1847. Anyway, based on the history references, I'm taking the poem as a critique of the "deadness" of modern consumer culture and media desensitization. If I had a significant piece of criticism, it's that I'd like to see you doing more with that theme; that sort of thing's been a very strong trend in poetry for about the last century now, and while there's definitely nothing wrong with some good old post-industrial threnody, I feel like there needs to be more to it than simply pointing to that theme if you want to differentiate it from the mass of similar work out there.

Anyway, you've inspired me to maybe post one of my own poems on here, so... Yes. I think I shall.

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A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead Empty Re: A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead

Post by Kalaeo on Tue May 17, 2016 1:38 pm

Thank you for the input! I really didn't think that anyone would get the dates lol 1847 was just the date that the Mexican American war started. I understand that the theme is kinda overused but I was going more for a 'present mixes with the past' kind of thing but rhe themes are super similar anyway. I hope to read your poem!


Last edited by Kalaeo on Tue May 17, 2016 1:39 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : my keyboard is glitchy and old, sorry)
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A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead Empty Re: A Modern Ghost in the Yard of the Dead

Post by WritingBookworm on Tue May 17, 2016 6:06 pm

Hey, you've got some talent! Some of the imagery you used was nice, and I like the "'You must be this dead to rise' / Horror movie rule'" line. The main thing I'd suggest, like Omni, is to make your themes stronger because I didn't quite catch it at first (though that could be just because poetry isn't my strong suit). Overall, good job. Very Happy

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